How NOT to on-line date….

It was not all that long ago that people were hesitant to go on-line to find their mate.  In fact, if a couple did happen to meet on-line and they were asked how they met, more often than not, they would hide the fact that they met on-line and come up with some fake story to tell people.   Back “then” people were judged for having to “resort” to meeting people on-line because they could not meet them in the traditional, “normal” way.  You know, like half drunk at a bar on a Saturday night out with friends. 

Hard to imagine, right?  Fast-forward to today and it is a completely different world where most people can’t imagine any other way to find someone.  And, it is very, very easy to start thinking that way.  There are so many apps to choose from, anyone can have a profile up and be connecting with potential mates literally within minutes. 

I could sit here and write a list of suggestions about what to do when on-line dating.  But, I think you could go ahead and Google that for yourself and get lost down the rabbit hole of the web and never come out.

Instead, I thought I would discuss what NOT to do, as knowing this is just as important..kind of like if you want to be successful at school.  I could tell you to always take diligent notes in class and give you a list of the best study techniques to ace your exams. Or I could tell you to NOT miss any lectures and NOT stay up and party all night before an exam. 

So, here’s what NOT to do:

First thing: post only photos that you have completely altered to the point that even you barely recognize yourself. But hey, you do look hot. The point is to stand out and just get the initial interest so they can get to know you, right?

Then, start looking for potential mates yourself.   Put in the criteria for your “dream” partner.  The height, weight, appearance, income level, age range.. and once that is all set..only look at the profiles of people that you think are really attractive.  Don’t even bother looking at anyone that either has no picture or one that you find “ok” or not attractive.  After all, you have to be attracted to your partner, so you might as well make sure that criteria is met right from the start.  Once you have chosen a handful, don’t bother reading their profiles. You will find out all you need to know once you start communicating.  Just go ahead and indicate some level of interest to them in whatever way the app you are on allows you to do so. 

Next, if someone reaches back out to you, keep the conversation flirty and superficial.  After all, this person is attractive. This is the time to keep things light and fun.  If things move forward, there will be plenty of time to get to know more about each other.

If they happen to say something alarming to you or something that goes completely against what you are looking for in a partner, brush it off as not “all that important” and ignore it because you are really excited that this attractive person is interested in you.  Consider that this one thing just might not be a “big deal” right now. There is still so much more to get to know about them, after all. 

Continue to text, flirt and maybe even communicate with as many attractive, hot people on this site that you can in this same manner.  Start thinking about each of them individually when you are not communicating with them..imagining things about them..who they are…how they live…make up fantasies in your mind about when the two of you first meet…..replay your conversations in your mind, all the while getting more and more excited about the potential with each of these people.  Create detailed stories about you with each of these potential mates…get lost in daydreams and fall asleep with ideas floating in your mind about your amazing future….after all, one of these people just has to be the “one”….

Then, make plans to start meeting these potential soul mates.  By this point, you have long-forgotten that your profile has a picture that looks nothing like you, and you have worked yourself up to such a level of excitement from all of your hours of fantasizing and flirting with these people that by the time your first actual face-to-face meet up happens, you feel like you already know them.

Only, you don’t.  And they know nothing about you, either.  Not even what you “really” look like. 

Unfortunately, none of these first meet ups is likely to quite meet expectations let alone lead to a match made in heaven.  And, also unfortunately, this is what a lot of people experience when they go on-line to date.

While on-line dating can and does work in helping people meet and have happy, successful relationships, there are many, many people for whom it does not work.  And it is because of some variation of behaviors described above:

1) Using pictures that don’t really look like them so that when they meet the person they’ve been communicating with, the other person feels “deceived” and “disappointed” right from the start; usually resulting in immediate trust issues or it just ending right then and there.

2) Choosing people to communicate with only based on looks and attraction.  Yes, being attracted to the person is important. But it cannot be the only criteria. Nor can it be so important that other alarming or incompatible issues that surface get shoved to the side or ignored.

3) Not reading the content in profiles. Similar to #2, ignoring what is in these could keep you from wasting time focusing on someone who is totally incompatible with you. 

4) Waiting too long to meet.  Some people already have such expectations about the other person in their head: who they are and how they act/talk, etc..that nobody could ever meet them.  It can be great to flirt and communicate for some time on-line before meeting, but if that goes on too long, the tendency for each person to create a “fantasy” idea about who the other person is and be let down once they do finally meet is much more likely.  Best to meet sooner rather than later.

The bottom line is there really are ways to NOT date on-line successfully.  Try NOT to do these, and see what happens!